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No

This is not an easy word to say to others through our words and actions. And yet sometimes it is an absolute must to say No. I will not forget the deep realisation of the importance of my no when I read this sentence in the book 'When the body says No' by Gabor Mate about the patients he worked with in a palliative care Unit in America. 'In important areas of their lives, almost none of my patients with serious disease had ever learned to say no.' From, this day onward it became clear to me just how important it was to say no. No to those the daily mini moments when we could just as easily say yes because it's easier. But is it easier? And at what cost? What stops us from saying no? What stops us from setting a boundary? What keeps us from saying what we really feel deep down inside? - A fear of letting down others - The fear that our no will cause pain and upset - People pleasing - Wanting to be liked/loved - Not wanting to disappoint others - Wanting to make sure we belong - Afraid of conflict and confrontation - We genuinely care about others and want to help out - We would feel guilty - Afraid that we are losing out on an opportunity that might not come around again What part of us is afraid to say no? The part that wants to be loved. The part that wants to be accepted. The part that wants to belong. The younger parts of ourselves - our inner child. But every time we say yes when really we wanted to say no we are subtly eroding our sense of self worth. We are in a way letting down our inner child. Again it's not easy - sometimes its really difficult to say no. When we say no and we set a boundary, we can increase our sense of self worth. When we say no we are letting our inner child and adult self know - I've got your back. Really curious to hear your thoughts on your experiences of saying no. What did saying no do for you? How did you feel when you stood by your no?


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Emma Spiegler

 

©2020 Emma Spiegler. 

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