I'm pleased to have had the opportunity to share my thoughts on this in Women’s Magazine!!
This is actually a huge topic and there’s lots to say, because there’s so much that goes into this decision.
- We want to be able to have a way of knowing what a "yes" feels like in our body and what a "no" feels like. For those who feel out of touch with their body, for various reasons, it’s actually a skill to be able to know what a "yes" and "no" feel like. This is what I support people with, as a coach. We do the work to reconnect to the body and your body's innate wisdom.
- This is about communication and being able to define, on your terms, what you would like to share; when, how and also to know that consent is fluid. So if you say "yes" to a sexual experience and then it doesn’t feel good you have every right to say you would like to stop. The issue is that we’ve been conditioned that A leads to B leads to C. We haven’t been taught about how to communicate a "no" that was a "yes".
- This is about emotional safety and creating a context that feels good for you. Again it’s not something we’ve been taught. You can create this context with a one off sexual encounter or on a 9th date. It’s not so much the numbers of dates, it’s more about understanding "what do I need to feel good before, during and after the sexual experience?" As I share in the article - maybe a conversation the next day to talk about the experience may create the safety emotionally that you need.
Great to be asked to do this article as the sexuality coach at Zoe Clews & Associates