Choosing pleasure over performance is easier said than done for men!
Because it isn't so much about the mindset.
It’s about the BODYSET.
It is about reprogamming the body AND mind together, to be in tune with each other. On the SAME TEAM.
The conditioning runs so deep for men. Ultimately the implicit and explicit messaging has been, that a man’s role in the bedroom is to perform.
This messaging has been repeated, ongoing, and come from so many different directions that it has become embedded in the subconscious, for many men. So it makes absolute sense that choosing pleasure doesn't even feel like a choice, even when consciously, it’s what men deeply desire; to connect, give, receive and enjoy pleasure.
The body IS the subconscious mind.
So it will feel less of a choice when the subconscious body and mind are operating from outdated beliefs, that what counts is how well you perform in the bedroom.
How does performance thinking impact your pleasure?
The thoughts of performance can feel like a dark cloud over-hanging with looping thoughts such as:
- ‘What if I am unable to get an erection and my partner thinks I am not aroused or turned on – what if my partner then feels rejected by me?’
- ‘What if I lose my erection?’
- ‘What if I am unable to sustain my erection and we both leave the sexual encounter feeling unsatisfied, disconnected and disappointed with what happened?’
The thinking of these thoughts leads men to disconnect from feeling their bodies. The thoughts in their head are so overpowering, that it becomes really challenging to listen to the sensations of pleasure in the body. The sensations of tingling, hotness, warmth, fire, and energy.
The anxiety from the looping thoughts that are constantly at the forefront or in the back of the mind, can lead to a physical stress response. The body interprets ‘not getting it right’ as a threat, and men can show physical signs of a stress response such as sweating, racing heart, tight chest and tension in the body.
How can you shift your BODYSET, from performance to pleasure?
- The first step is learning to IDENTIFY and TRACK how the stress response shows up for you in your body. What happens in your body when you are feeling performance anxiety or pressure?
- Next step is to proactively work towards finding ways that work for you and your body, to release and discharge the stress from your body AND ways to support you, to bring in a sense of EASE and calm into your mind and body. You want to build confidence, in using these practices and tools, so that you can use them when you need to, in the moments that matter.
- Then you want to introduce new tools, practices and beliefs, that are affirmative of your pleasure, your body and your sexuality.
I can absolutely support you with this.
This private coaching is definitely for you if you want to be expertly guided through a tailored coaching programme, have ongoing support to help you with blocks or challenges that come up, and ultimately create a long lasting shift away from performance anxiety to allowing, enjoying and elevating your pleasure potential.