To get erections, maintain them and be more in choice, of when you ejaculate, you need to be in the relaxed parasympathetic part of your autonomic nervous system.
To orgasm and/or ejaculate, you then completely shift into the sympathetic part of your autonomic nervous system.
This is so important to say out loud!
Because if you are not getting erections, sustaining erections or ejaculating too quickly, then it could be because stress is impacting you (applies to psychological ED).
It's not that you are failing as a man - it's your body letting you know that you are under stress.
It's worth repeating this key message.
If you feel you are failing as a man, because you are not able to get erections, it can and does start a shame and anxiety loop. This adds more stress, on top of the stress you are already feeling.
To interrupt this loop, it needs a bottom-up (stress release from the body) and top-down (telling yourself a new narrative) approach.
You can start shifting the internal narratives, to ones that feel supportive AND you can begin to find ways to release stress, PLUS bring in a sense of calm and ease.
You are not a failure of a man, if you have a history of or are currently not able to get erections, sustain them, or last longer in bed.
Once you know what's happening, it takes some shame out of the equation (and shame can keep us stuck and unmotivated). With reduced shame, you have more mobilising energy, to get and create some changes in your life.