When men experience stress related to sex, over and over again, it can put their mind and body in a state of survival.
In a state of survival, it is not the time to have sex!
For lots of men, this manifests as:
- avoiding sex - over-working - watching Netflix, instead of having sex - not feeling aroused - not experiencing the level of pleasure, that they want to experience
For most people (about 80% of the population), stress slams on the brakes.
We lose sexual interest.
So, to have better sex, stress management is key.
What you want to find, is easy, quick and accessible ways, that work for you and your body, to release stress on a regular basis.
Here's why it's so important;
Stress is an ‘evolutionary adaptive mechanism, that allows you to respond to perceived threats’*, such as "a lion is chasing me!"
This mechanism is outdated, as we are not being chased by lions anymore!
‘Anytime we get stressed and our brain perceives a threat, our bodies automatically experience a massive biochemical change.’* Our body releases adrenaline and cortisol, our heart rate and blood pressure increases, we get sweaty, and our breath quickens, to provide more oxygen to the muscles.
We are getting ready for the action to come.
Our stress responses are fight, flight or freeze.
There are 3 stages to the stress cycle:
1 - I am at risk (the lion is coming) 2 - I must act (running, fighting, freezing) 3 - I am safe
By working out ways to release stress, we are able to complete the stress cycle. We are able to take action (stage two) and get to stage three, where we can feel safe.
Without this stage of completing of the stress cycle, men start to associate stress and anxiety more and more with sex.
You can interrupt this loop, by training the mind and body to release stress. So, when it comes to the times where you know sex is on the cards, you have a few stress-releasing techniques up your sleeve.
You can experience sex, feeling calmer and more confident, because you have released the stress.
*Extracts and Concept of completing the stress cycle taken from Emily Nogoski's book, Come As You Are.