I am currently watching Too hot to handle on Netflix. A show that brought young people together thinking they were all going to get it on with each other, and then they find out that s3x is banned. The cast are challenged to make genuine connections with each other and go on a self development journey. It's actually really exciting to watch as a love, relationship and sexuality coach, because it's bringing parts of our work into the mainstream.
It's bringing tools to create deeper and meaningful connections and what Chloe, one of the cast calls, 'sexual rehabilitation for the mind'.
We really need this as a culture that is dominated by swiping (that comes with it's problems as well as opportunities), and sex ed (porn/not all porn) that does everything to mis inform and perpetuate myths about sex, sexuality and intimacy that strips us of the emotional connection we so deeply need.
We really need the tools. Philosopher Alain de Botton says that love is a skill, it's not something that comes automatically. It's really not something most of us have been shown how to do...how to love and connect. We need to be shown the path of how to create, sustain and nurture love and connection.
One of these tools is eye gazing. There is one part where Rhonda and David do this intimacy building exercise of eye gazing. Both of them are deeply touched by it. David says that he sees beyond her body and gets in touch with all of her qualities such as the warmth of her heart and her kindness and care for others. Rhonda feels truly seen by him and it brings tears to David's eyes.
Our culture is all about instant gratification and it's weird timing that this programme is aired at this CV time. There will be a lot of single people who are only able to online date right now and have no choice but to delay the potential of s3xual intimacy, and form more emotional connections.
There is no right or wrong here about sleeping with someone on the first date, 9th date or whenever. It's just fascinating to see what happens between people when they are given the tools for intimacy.
Whilst I am here talking about deeper connection...I am now offering ONE OFF coaching sessions during the CV time (I usually only work with people over 2-6 months).
If you read this and thought to yourself...ooh..I would like to learn about deeper emotional connection and how I relate to my own sexuality and intimacy with others then I am here to support you!
The ONE OFF session could include:
-Identifying one current challenge you have right now in your relationship and turn it around into a positive of what you would like to change. This could be a goal such as 'I want to feel closer to my partner right now'. Then we can talk this through and use a specific process to help you see things from different angles so you leave the session with understanding, clarity and one or two tools to create that closeness.
-Identifying one challenge that is coming up for you in online dating and what part of you is doing the choosing and the talking. Often it's a young part of us that is taking the driving seat and this part is trying to resolve unresolved difficulties from childhood. We can identity this part, hear this part and tend to this part of you with love and compassion so you leave the session with a stronger connection to your self.
Contact me via firstname.lastname@example.org to book your ONE OFF session and to find out more.