Our anxiety is sometimes our intuition telling us something is off.
So first off....before I share about this insight a friend recently shared I want to say that this is not a post about blaming or shaming the emotionally unavailable person...or more to the point making that person wrong in some way.
There are lots of reasons why someone may be emotionally unavailable and the important thing is if you are looking for a long term committed relationship that has depth, connection, growth and intimacy, then you are most likely also looking for a person who is available and ready for this type of relationship emotionally.
What I love about this insight is that it's a call back to trusting our intuition and our own wisdom.
I work with people who experience anxiety when dating and then blame it on themselves for generally being an anxious person. But when we actually talk it through and look at what their needs are and what their relationship desires are, we then discover something is not right. The person doesn't want what they want, or isn't ready, or it's not a match. So there is a reason they were feeling anxious.
There are many times where I have had anxiety and if I look back it was my body telling me something was off. But I didn't listen. Because I was stuck with the story that I am anxious as a person, that I am anxiously attached in my attachment style. So I missed those vital cues.
When it comes to dating and the early stages when you are both finding out and learning about each other. Listen out for the cues...your anxiety may actually be your body wisdom telling you that something is not aligned here.
Maybe there isn't an alignment with one of your key non negotiables.
Or there isn't alignment with your future visions of what type of relationship you are looking for...maybe you want to create a home together and they want to spend the next couple of years travelling.
Or you are simply at different stages in life and what they are focused on (such as their career) is different to what you want to nurture and grow (a relationship). Not that you can't have both, but they may not want both.
So one amazing way of being able to tune into the subtle cues that the person may not be fully emotionally available is the feeling of anxiety when they leave. This could be your inner knowing signalling, now they are gone they won't be holding me in mind, kind of like out of sight out of mind.
If you want someone who is keeping you in mind when you are not together, who is thinking of you, and is eager to plan dates, eager to get to know you more, eager to be in your company. Then this is your inner knowing letting you know you want and need more.
I am a firm believer of not settling
This is what I support you to do as your coach.
When you sign up to work with me, you are signing up to come back to yourself. To stop the patterns of self betrayal. To find the parts within you that say 'f**k that shit' I deserve more. I literally said these words to a client the other day!!
The coaching is all about you tapping into your self worth, your needs and claiming your needs. It's about validating your needs. Reminding you over and over again that what you want is certainly out there and that you don't need to try and push a triangle through the circle play shape box.
Once you are dating from a place of self love you can spot the signs that it isn't a match much quicker, make the decision to not take things further (even when there are some lovely things you have in common) and then you are in a position to meet the right match for you.
If you want to date from a place of self love and make sure you honour your no's. Then I would LOVE to hear from you!
Here's the link to book a free Pleasure & Relationship clarity call: https://calendly.com/emmaspiegler/love-relationship-sexuality-coaching-session