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From s3xual shut down to shameless s3xuality

15 years ago I felt very different in my body.

I would not have been able to have a picture like this taken.

Let alone share it on a public platform!

I didn't feel comfortable in my body or being seen.

I wanted to hide my body, and I did just that...I wore clothes that were baggy and covered up most of my skin.

I carried a LOT of deep shame around s3xuality and what it meant to be a s3xual human being, what it meant to be a woman.


This shame was so deep that I had cut myself off from anything to do with s3xuality. I didn't want anything to do with it. If you would have said to me you won't ever be able to have s3x again, I would have said to you 'great...because it's not on my list of things to do anyway'.


In 2007 I then went on a journey of healing my wounded relationship to my s3xuality, to my body, to my femininity, and to my expression of my life force energy.


This is the thing about shame...it shuts us down as a form of emotional armouring and protection.


We live in a shame riddled culture when it comes to expression of s3xuality. Through harmful messaging from media, mainstream culture, society, family, peers, some porn, & movies we learn consciously or subconsiously that:


- our s3xuality is for others only

- that it's a performance, that we have to look a certain way

- that it's something that is 'dirty' or something to hide and be ashamed of


When we flip these scripts on the head we open up an incredible new way of relating to ourselves and others.


We get to feel powerful and comfortable in our own skin and body.


This is a radical act of self love in a world that is bombarding us with messages that encourage us to be constantly comparing, self loathing and self critical.


For many of us our s3xuality is a core part of who we are as a human being, whether we are expressing it or sharing it with ourselves or others, or not expressing/sharing it.


When we are carrying shame about a part of us, our s3xuality then we feel weighed down emotionally, and this shame can cause issues:


- in our relationship to ourselves and our bodies

- relationships to others

- with how much joy, aliveness, and a feeling of being at ease and at home in our bodies we are able to experience


A woman I recently worked with was completely shut down too when we first started working together. She said she had lost her mojo and had no interest in s3x and was having s3x because she thought she needed to for the relationship. By the time we finished working together she felt connected to her s3xuality, she had her mojo back and she had expressed what did and didn't work for her with her partner which in turned totally transformed their s3x life together.


When we transform our relationship to our s3xuality we transform our lives from the inside out.


We heal and release shame from our bodies.


We are able to feel so much more alive and connect with feel good emotions such as joy, calm and feeling at ease within!!!


p.s If you are looking for a photographer who is a like minded soul right now in the UK to capture you in your essence in late Summer/Autumn, then Robert Leons is your man.


I really enjoyed a day out in nature with Robert last week! He is so playful & lighthearted. I found the day so nourishing and easy which was important for me as someone who had a LOT of resistance to doing the photoshoot.


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Emma Spiegler

 

©2021 Emma Spiegler. 

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