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Funplay not foreplay

The definition of foreplay is: 'Sexual activity that precedes intercourse.' I am unsubscribing to the word Foreplay as part of my sexual and erotic language (and yes I will probably still use it unconsciously, but it's the intention that counts). Here's what Foreplay actually means: - We are 'doing' all of these acts to warm us up for the main act. - We are in a state of 'doing' to each other, not present in the moment, but doing the right things to get to final act of intercourse. - We could be performing. Performing the right actions that are meant to go before the final action. - We have a goal in mind at the end. - The end goal is penetration. - This is largely probably hetero-normative language. - Assumes both or one person likes PIV (Penis in Vagina sex). - Assumes consent (even in a loving & trusting relationship) or readiness for the final act to occur way before either person has checked in with the bodies and minds to see if they actually fancy (PIV) today. - Totally by default diminishes what came before the final act. Even if everything was deeply satisfying, connected, pleasurable and orgasmic. This wasn't the main act. So it's secondary. The pleasure experienced, the 'foreplay', is secondary. Ouch. I don't know about you. That invalidates what was shared. It hurts me, I get a sinking feeling in my heart. To think pleasure and connection that I shared with someone is secondary to the main act. There are a lot of assumptions that happen as a consequence of using the word foreplay. So I played around with words and even though 'funplay' probably isn't the most erotic or sexiest of choices, we definitely need something else. So this is the best I could come up with today (I'd love to hear your suggestions!) Here's what Funplay means: - Present enough with each other to experience authentic connection & pleasure. - We enter a state of 'being' with each other and open up to more expansive states of pleasure. - No end goal, so each act of intimacy is felt and experienced as a time of connection & pleasure. - We increase our pleasure potential. - We open up to sexual intimacy being a whole range of experiences. - By opening up and unsubscribing to this idea of foreplay, we take away the idea that having PIV is the done thing, and we get to say yes to more of what we actually want in the moment. Maybe we want oral sex, or maybe we want sensual stroking and kissing. Maybe we just don't fancy PIV for now or for a while. Would love to hear your thoughts x


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Emma Spiegler

 

©2020 Emma Spiegler. 

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