I was coaching someone yesterday and we were exploring the core beliefs we take on as children which we then continue to carry into our adult life. These core beliefs can really impact how we perceive others in our personal and professional lives. A core message I internalised when I was growing up was this.... It's your fault. There is a lot of shame that comes with this message. I got this message both in covert and overt ways. I internalised the message that if things are going wrong, then it’s probably my fault. As a child it was near on impossible to stand back and see that it actually was nothing to do with me. I could very much relate to what she was sharing in the session. I could remember the shame I used to carry around that if something went wrong it could automatically somehow be my fault. For many of us as children we may have been on the receiving end of blame from our parents. And this isn't a let's have a go at the parents point. This is about what are the beliefs we are still subconsciously holding onto and how are these impacting our lives. One of the most powerful scene's I have ever watched is from Goodwill Hunting where Robin Williams tells Matt Damon repeatedly it's not his fault (here's the clip - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GtkST5-ZFHw). This scene is highly emotive. It hits me right at the core. This is my hope - that for those of us who internalised this harmful negative message, that we can over time let ourselves know repeatedly. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault.
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