Soft Starts
It’s not what we see on the screens!
What we do see is this - a man is hard/erect and immediately ready for penetration.
We need to keep having the conversation about soft start-ups and slow-to-build arousal in men.
It’s totally natural to have a soft start. When intimacy begins you can be soft, semi or fully erect.
What’s really challenging, is the moment where thoughts take over;
‘She’s thinking I’m not aroused and enjoying this’
‘If I don’t get hard, then I’m not going to be able to have sex’
This can create a stress response in your body and lead to a negative pattern of having the stress response over and over again.
What you can begin to do, is question the narratives you see on the screens.
Make a point when you're watching Netflix, to analyse what you see.
Ask yourself - 'Is what I’m seeing a realistic representation of how arousal and desire looks for me?' 'Is this actually how intimacy unfolds for people?'
When you ask the questions, you are creating space for a new narrative to emerge.
A narrative that is celebratory, self-affirming, validates your experience of turn on, and counteracts the 'compare and despair'.
This is one way to start rewriting the scripts of what it is to be a sexual being.
Want to to take some more steps to address the negative patterns that is impacting your intimate life?
Book in a clarity call with me.