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Soft Starts

It’s not what we see on the screens!

What we do see is this - a man is hard/erect and immediately ready for penetration.

We need to keep having the conversation about soft start-ups and slow-to-build arousal in men.

It’s totally natural to have a soft start. When intimacy begins you can be soft, semi or fully erect.


What’s really challenging, is the moment where thoughts take over;

‘She’s thinking I’m not aroused and enjoying this’

‘If I don’t get hard, then I’m not going to be able to have sex’


This can create a stress response in your body and lead to a negative pattern of having the stress response over and over again.

What you can begin to do, is question the narratives you see on the screens.

Make a point when you're watching Netflix, to analyse what you see.

Ask yourself - 'Is what I’m seeing a realistic representation of how arousal and desire looks for me?' 'Is this actually how intimacy unfolds for people?'

When you ask the questions, you are creating space for a new narrative to emerge.

A narrative that is celebratory, self-affirming, validates your experience of turn on, and counteracts the 'compare and despair'.


This is one way to start rewriting the scripts of what it is to be a sexual being.

Want to to take some more steps to address the negative patterns that is impacting your intimate life?

Book in a clarity call with me.

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