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The Eroticism of Safety

Creating a context of emotional safety in s3exual intimacy is HOT!


H O T T Hot!! Like a real turn on.


Turn on doesn't just happen in the genitals as the media, movies and some porn (not all porn) would have us believe.


Turn on is a whole body and whole mind experience.


We get turned on by so many things depending on what our erotic blueprints are, our s3xual stories, our s3xual history, and what s3x currently means to us right now (which is fluid and can change over time).


We don't get taught this. We don't get taught the art of erotic communication.

It can include s3xting type words and suggestive play.

BUT let's not stop there.


We can include words from our heart to the other person's heart.


Words, phrases, communication, behaviour that shows we have the intention, the willingness, the want to support our intimate partner/s to relax, feel cared for, feel valued as a human being, and take into consideration that emotions are most certainly involved in our desire, arousal and turn on.

At this CV time, creating a context of safety will be even more crucial. For some people stress and underlying anxiety and fear puts on the s3xual brakes, is a turn off and leads people to not want to share s3xual intimacy.


‘Desire happens BETWEEN people not within one person's body.’ (Mind the Gap, Dr Karen Gurney)


Here's what I see in my coaching work with people, men and women. If the set up looks something like this below then there may be a feeling of emotional dis connection and a lack of safety:


-Rushing to the goal of orgasm -Pressure to perform -Pretending to orgasm to not hurt or offend the other person -Experiencing pain/discomfort in s3x but not saying anything about it for fear of ruining the mood/upsetting the other person -Rushing to s3xual acts when the body is not ready for it -Feeling stressed and not relaxed but not saying anything about it -Not communicating or expressing what is happening, a turn on/turn off


What is really exciting about the work I get to do, is to see what happens when people learn how to create a context of connection and safety.


The s3x becomes:

-More fulfilling -More connected -More pleasurable -More satisfying -Brings couples closer together -Generates a sense of power within


You get to choose how you want to feel, what you want to experience, and you get to co create your s3xual experiences!!


Here are 3 ways you can create a context of safety;

-Communicate with each other, before, during and after intimacy. What do you need at that moment in time to relax into intimacy? A bath, a massage, some hair stroking, some soothing words or words of affirmation? What types of touch would you like (gentle, firm, grabbing, stroking) -What is you and your partners love language? What love language can you demonstrate throughout the day or week to show to your partner you value and care for them? -What s3x acts would you like? (giving receiving oral/fingers inside/penetration/rubbing bodies up close etc) It may not be what either of you preferred the day/week/months before.


ONE OFF coaching sessions


At this CV time I am offering ONE OFF coaching sessions.


Are you are currently wanting support around s3xual intimacy with your partner whether you are together in lockdown or apart, or online dating.


Then I am here to support you to feel:

- Uplifted - Supported - More connected to your partner


Contact me via coaching@emmaspiegler.com to book your session and find out more.



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Emma Spiegler

 

©2020 Emma Spiegler. 

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