Who is speaking right now ?
- Our wise adult self
- A younger part or an inner child
This can be a key thing to look out for when it comes to triggers coming up, conflict, dis connection and dis harmony in conversations and relationships.
Who is in the driving seat in the conversation?
It can be so deceiving when we look at an adult body and think to ourselves we are talking to an adult.
We could be talking to a younger part that is 7, 12 or 18 years old.
What are the tell tale signs we are talking to a younger part? When we say sentences that include words like:
- you never
- you always
- you should
- you, you, you instead of this is how 'I' feel
And it goes both ways!
It can be us who has moved into a younger part. So the key is to spot these signs in ourselves so we can reach out to our partner, friend, family member and ask for what we need in that moment to feel safer, to express what's really going on at the core of it, and to create more connection and emotional availability within ourselves.
It kind of used to drive me a bit mad when I would read articles about emotional availability and how I was drawn to others who were unavailable because, I too, was unavailable to myself. I used to think - no I am not. I am totally available - I have done years of work!! Lol.
But actually there were parts of me that was also contributing to shut down and disconnection. And being aware of when a younger part is present, being able to tend to that part ourselves, and also ask the other for what we need is how we create that availability.
Thank you to the amazing
Elizabeth Keates who took this photo for our Feel Good Rooms photoshoot!!