... and potentially sabotaging your relationship?
(No shame here about how we self sabotage please. And lots of doses of self compassion)
Next time you feel a charge and a trigger come up in your relationship you can:
- Notice what sensations or numbness comes up in your body - is it that familiar rush of heat to your face when you feel angry? Or that tension in your back?
- Notice even further - what instruction is my lizard brain giving me - fight, flee, freeze, fawn (people please)?
- After the trigger has passed and you have had time to come out of the automatic stress response that your lizard brain instructed because you didn't feel safe or loved - reflect - what part of me was responding?
- If this part had a name what would they be called? Is this a familiar part that shows up time and time again?
One of my parts (we have many parts) is lovingly called 'The Extremist'.
She is very young. She thinks in black and white. When she doesn't feel safe she thinks in simplistic terms and ultimately what she needs is a cuddle and to be told that she is safe and loved.
This is how we become empowered in relationship!!!!
We can DIFFUSE THE CHARGE right in the moment it is happening when we are able to NAME THE PART that has come up. (I am in a capitals type of mood today!)
First we need to do the work to establish who the part is
- Recognise how they feel in our body so we can spot them
- Then communicate this part to our partner before hand so that both people have more of a chance of spotting and naming the part
- You can REDUCE the power and hold this part has and INCREASE the potential you both have to come back into connection, harmony and wise adult communication with each other.
Are you currently struggling with communication blocks and arguments which don't get resolved time and time again?
Would you like to feel more in control when you get upset and triggered?
Would you like to feel closer and more connected to your partner?
Then we could be an ideal match for working together in my coaching programme!! I absolutely love the work I do and seeing what amazing results my clients get! What we do is a co creation together.
Book in a complimentary 1 hr Pleasure & Relationship Clarity call to see if we are a great fit to do some deep transformational work together here: https://www.emmaspiegler.com/
p.s pic is from last year in Greece at Pussy Mansion when I was extremely happy spending time with loads of my sex coach colleagues from all over the world. I am missing being around people like this so much this year.